Dead magic
by The real crazy pedantic
Summary: After denying it, and ignoring several warnings several times Dumbledore and the rest of the world must face the wrath of the zombie apocalypse. Join along as the adventure of Dumbledore, Harry and others stretch across different lands and meet new faces, in hopes they can survive as long as they can.
1. Chapter 1

It was a cold damp October day at Hogwarts. Headmaster Dumbledore was in his office doing paper work and having fun with his current boyfriend/ brother Aberforth Dumbledore.

"Ooo Abe baby, your brother here has got some important business to do." Dumbledore said sincerely, as he ignored Aberforths pleading face.

Harry was talking to his Slytherin friends about a weird story.

"It's weird, in the muggle thier has been reports on a mysterious illness going around, and everyone's getting attacked." Harry said.

"Those muggles, there nothing short of a basket case, father says that muggles are almost as bad as the Weasley family." Draco Malfoy said as he tried to end the subject.

"Maybe, but it's not only the muggle world, but there have been reports of wizards getting this illness to." Harry argued.

"I'll believe it when I see it." Draco said as he changed the subject to quidditch.

"Ahh Minerva, you wish to see me?" Dumbledore asked charmingly.

"Yes Albis not me, but Cornelius Fudge, he's here, and he said it's about this mysterious illness." Minerva said fearfully.

"Oh this illness is a bullshit story, that a couple of assholes cooked up." Dumbledore tried to reassure Minerva. "I'll go have a word with him!" Dumbledore added with a wink, as he put his arm around Mcgnagall to walk her out of his office.

"Ahh Cornelius my boy, how you doing!" Dumbledore smirked, as he greeted the minister of magic with a handshake, and an attempted kiss on the mouth, which Fudge brushed off forcefully.

"Albus these are bad, very bad indeed." Fudge said sadly.

" How so?" Dumbledore asked as he randomly scratched his crotch and was hardly paying attention, as he frantically searched for a bottle of fire whiskey.

"Well Albus this disease that's no longer a rumor is causing devastation, that Voldemort would only dream of causing.

"Ooo so you heard of that story to?" Dumbledore asked "Pretty stupid!" Dumbledore added as he found a bottle of fire whiskey and poured some into two glasses.

"Albus the rumor of this disease is true, that's the reason why I am here!" Fudge thundered.

"Tell me one damn legitimate reason to believe you!" Dumbledore said as quickly got on the offensive.

"Albus I'll give you one, since you insist on a being a stubborn dumb ass mule." Fudge said as he swallowed hard, and began again.

"I saw it first hand headmaster, it was crazy shit!" Fudge spat.

"Go on." Dumbledore said smugly.

"I saw it, I saw a ministry official get eaten by a man, but the thing was this man was not living, he was dead!" Fudge cracked. "It's true Albus the disease kills you and later you come back and kill everything you can find!" Fudge thundered once more.

"Oh Fudge I think Voldemort has you up at night, or you're on drugs Cornelius my boy." Dumbledore said pleasantly as Fudge scolded at him. "Fudge you need some sleep, come on you can strip down now and we can take a nice nap right now eh!" Dumbledore said encouragingly.

"Dumbledore you should be taking this seriously there are countless people who depend on you !" Fudge spat.

"Like who!" Dumbledore cracked.

"Everyone at this school!" Fudge now screamed.

"Since you're being such a defiant asshole, I'll take the appropriate measures and evacuate everyone from this school!" Fudge declared.

"Now you've taken it too far!" Dumbledore wheezed as he whipped out his wand. Fudge reached for his wand, but he was too late. "Avada Kedavra!" Dumbledore cat scanned on top his lungs. Dumbledore watched with vengeance as a lifeless Fudge fell over in a heap.


	2. Chapter 2

"You filthy son of a bitch, this is my school!" Dumbledore snarled as he cut up Fudges body and vaccuum packed it. "Free meat!" Dumbledore now whinnied excitedly. "Albus!" Whined a voice. Dumbledore turned around and his twinkled out of control in delight. "Ooo Aberforth I'll be there in a minute!" Dumbledore meowed pleasantly, as he finished vaccuum packing Fudge.

Harry continued to get rumors on how bad the city on London was getting. "You still believe that heap of bullshit right?" Draco Malfoy sneered. "Malfoy I wouldn't believe, if its not for the fact that this disease has spread to our world.

"Nonsense, nonsense maybe you are gullible." Draco said as he walked away. Harry then got an idea, he would use his radio to listen to what is going on.

Dumbledore was now making crazy love to his brother Aberforth, when there was a knock on his door.

"Come in!" Dumbledore spat. Inside came the schools nurse, Madam Pomfrey.

"Albis this is urgent there's a kid in the wing he's showing symptoms of this illness." Pomfrey said urgently, as she looked a little bit sick, seeing Dumbledore in bed with his brother.

"Out of my way, this stupid illness it doesn't exist it's a hoax spread by the damn ministry!" Dumbledore spat as he just threw a cloak over his stark naked body and gave Aberforth a quick peck on the cheek.

Harry listened to his radio, with a frustrated Malfoy.

"I got it to work now." Harry said excitedly as he began to listen.

"Please stay inside!" The radio warned many times.

"This is Kingsley Shacklebolt reporting, so far we know this disease, caused hostile behavior in people, and puts them in a canablistic state. This disease has cost many lives including, what we believe the life of Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge." Kingsley said as he paused. "No one is safe so I strongly advise people to stay inside,and wait by your radio for further instruction, this is Kingsley Shacklebolt signing off." " Kingsley added with a sigh and a bit of raw emotion in his voice.

.."You see Malfoy I wasn't just bluffing this shit is as real as you are annoying." Harry said

"Damn Draco said, still a little traumatized about what he heard on the radio, what do we do now.

"Just stay here in the school for what we know were safest in here." Harry said.

With that the two readied up for whatever my come.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day the hospital wing at Hogwarts was filled to its limits. So Madam Pomfrey expanded it to the Room of requirement. Dumbledore visited all the sick bodies and shook his head.

"Probably those damn house elves putting something in the damn food!" Dumbledore said as he cut off his arm and gave himself a metal replacement thats was built ford tough.

.

Boom! As the door to the Hogwarts kitchen.

Master Dumbledore what can we do for you?" One of the elves croaked.

"You can start by giving me a free service!" Dumbledores snarled as he gargled a cup full of nails.

So the poor elf gave Dumbledore a blow job, as Dumbledore giggled like a little girl. Dumbledore after having some fun, got down to business. "You elves I believe are poisoning the schools food." Dumbledore began as he started to plant some soybean plants.

"Master we would never do such thing!" One of the elves cried." "Yes you did, admit it, or I go badass on your heads." Dumbledore computer analyzed madly

"You know what screw this!" Dumbledore weedeated as he blew up the kitchen, killing all the elves. "Serves you right you ugly wash boards!" Dumbledore stripp mined feverishly, as he picked up a decapitated elves head and began to french kiss it.

Dumbledore realized he had let his anger get the best of them so he used his time turner to save the eleven lives and their virginities.

"The things I do" Dumbledore sighed as he marched to his office.


	4. Chapter 4

Madam Pomfrey had finally caught a break at the medical wing.

She wondered what was keeping Dumbledore so long.

When she went to the Kitchen to check on Dumbledore she was alarmed to see Dumbledore making out with an elves head.

"Albis!" She screeched.

Dumbledore turned around and growled viciously at her. Dumbledore then grabbed a kitchen and threw it hard at Madam Pomfrey. The knife hit Madam Pomfrey in the heart.

Madam Pomfrey then collapsed in a heap. Dumbledore began to weep, before coming to his senses.

"What am I crying about, she's just another pay check any way." Dumbledore shrugged repeatably. "Time for papa to go to bed!" Dumbledore added as he tried to hide Pomfrey's body somewhere.

Just then a terrified Professor Trelaweney came in.

"Albus I just did a prophesy and future is very dark, so dark in fact I'm afraid it represents mere extinctions.

"Sybil with the utmost respect your prophecies are lame-o I didn't want to tell you this but most of your prophesies have not come true, I just keep you around so I don't have to fuss around in trying to get a new divination professor." Dumbledore admitted with a simple shrug.

"Ignore me at your own peril headmaster for this infection is so big that is something that you can't conquer." Trelaweney said mystically.

"That's very cute Sybil but could you excuse me I have some real work to." Dumbledore said as brushed up against a wide-eyed Trelewaney on his way back up to his office.

Dumbledore upon reaching his office went to his liquor cabinet and got the strongest bottle of Fire whiskey he could.

Alas he found one and chugged the bottle.

"We are fucked, so so so fucked" Dumbledore cried.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day at Hogwarts it was complete chaos. Students at Hogwarts were eating each and attacking each other left to right. Still Dumbledore refused to acknowledge the problem.

"There just flustered about the upcoming O.W.L.S" Dumbledore quacked as he punched and knocked out a demanding and stern Professor Mcgonnagal. Dumbledore then proceeded to lock down in his office.

Harry couldn't believe what was happening. People were killing each other, and yet Dumbledore or anybody hasn't done anything about it. Harry thought this as he hid in a broom cupboard, with Draco and couple of other of his Slytherin friends. Just then Harry heard an agonizing scream. When Harry opened the door, he found his friend Vincent Crabbe, being mauled on by a reanimated Oliver Wood.(Captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team) Harry destroyed Oliver's head with a sectumsemptra curse, as well as his friend Crabbe, because he was too far gone.

"What the fuck!" Draco said as he cradled Crabbes dead body.

"Watch out Goyle!" Blaise Zambini said as Goyle was bit in the neck by a zombified Colin Creevey.

"No, Goyle!" Draco cried out as ran over and blasted the zombified Colin Creevey's head to smithereens.

"We have to end this now, he's going to turn." Harry demanded.

"Fuck you Harry!" Blaise and Malfoy seemed to say at the same time.

"He's going to be fine, for we acted quick enough." Draco foolishly said.

"When are you assholes finally going to stop doubting everything that I say!" Harry said as Goyle came back to "life" and bit Zambini in the throat.

"What I tell you!" Harry said as a crying Draco let Harry kill Zambini and Goyle.

Dumbledore put on some reggae music (Dumbledores favorite music), and he danced with his brother Aberforth. Both of which were naked. "Ahh Aberforth me brother, I assure you they are just stressed out, everything will be better tomorrow!" Dumbledore pregnancy tested, as he threw Aberforth down on the bed and began sucking on his nipple.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Dumbledore summersaulted out of bed, to see if the "disturbance" in the school had died down. Dumbledore was delighted to see that there was no madness in the halls and corridors. Dumbledore then gracefully electric slided to the Great Hall for breakfast. As soon as he entered the Great Hall Dumbledore was alarmed to see what appeared to be hundreds of bodies, wrapped in white cloth, and positioned in rows throughout the Great Hall. "Holy Kracken!'" Dumbledore kick boxed, as he pulled out a lighter and lit a joint.

Harry was now boarding a train at the train station at Hogwarts. The Aurors of the ministry of magic, came last night to evacuate the School. They also informed everyone that the ability to apparate, is no longer useful due to all the protection wards enabling it. The train appeared to be getting ready to take off. "Oh no It's Dumbledore!" Harry heard Draco complain. Harry looked out the window and saw a visibly mad Dumbledore gliding very fast toward the train.

8 minutes 32 seconds ago:

Dumbledore had taken the last puff of his joint. "That's good shit!' Dumbledore pressure hosed madly as he glanced at a sign that caught his eye. The sign read "All surviving students and staff, evacuate to the train station. "The hell they will, those cock sucking vermins!" Dumbledore drooled. "They will be having school today!" Dumbledore added as he glided out of school.

Dumbledore collided headfirst into the train, and demanded that it let all students go "Either you let them go, or I blast this locomotive to pieces!" Dumbledore backwashed madly. Dumbledore then ripped the door of the train, as the train took off. Dumbledore then fell off the train in a heap. Dumbledore then got up, removed his clothes, and mooned the train as it went out of distance.


	7. Chapter 7

Dumbledore was pissed off. "How dare they all leave without my knowledge!" Dumbledore belched to himself.

"Oh well, I guess I'll go attend an mudblood lives matter protest, at diagon alley!" Dumbledore shrugged as he took a pledge to end domestic abuse.

Dumbledore was walking back to Hogwarts, when he saw a handsome man. This man was walking at a fast pace toward Dumbledore, and it was growling. "Come to papa!" Dumbledore hoored and whistled. Dumbledore hugged the man but backed off when it tried to bite him. "Oooo!" Dumbledore cooed, as he bound this "man" in chains, and put a pillow case on his head. "Now we'll have some fun!" Dumbledore snorkled.

Dumbledore was in his office, having some fun with this "cranky man" Dumbledore liked to call it. When all of a sudden Dumbledore was bit on the shoulder by Aberforth. " Now Aberforth me brother you know you got to waith you turn!" Dumbledore dialed. Dumbledore looked alarmed as Aberforth ran at Dumbledore and not him harder, this time he was ripping into Dumbledore. Dumbledore threw Aberforth against the wall, destroying his head. " Maybe they were right!" Dumbledore quacked. "Oh well free sex!" Dumbledore added as he did a kick flip off the wall, and began making more love to his zombie companion.

Latet that day Dumbledore was started to feel exhausted.

"Man I know I didn't make love for that long, not longer than usual." Dumbledore thought to himself.

Dumbledore also had a terrible feaver, it was then when Dumbledore realized that he had the symotoms that was described by this mysterious infection.

"Damn I should of taken that more seriously..

Dumbledore had a briiant Idea.

He had hidden the sorcers stone in the forbidden corridor, so he would go get that, even though he had planned many years that Harry risk his life to get that.

"I can get it easy!" Dumbledore said with a shrug.

Dumbledore made it past all the obstacles that night when Dumbledore obtained the stone he nearly dead from the infection so Dumbledore used the stone to save his life.

"Damn a 150 year old man shouldn't have to do all tha work!" Dumbledore chuckled to himself.


	8. Chapter 8

1 week later:

Harry was holed up at his aunt Ptenuia and uncle Vernons house. It had been a full weak since abandoning Hogwarts. However the problem or the virus, according too many sources, seemed to be improving slightly. There had been positive reports on both the radio and tv. However the next announcement on TV suggested otherwise.

"This is reporter Jimmy "John" Jerry reporting from downtown London. The infection, that officials have yet to name, is spreading again. There had been more reports of walking corpses, and increased attacks and riots on downtown London, police officials advise, staying indoors, and wait the military if need be. Alright our producer said that we need to get out of here!" Jimmy Jerry said as he was cut off.

After a while of starring at the now blank TV with no signal Vernon stood up and hollered, "What kind of name is Jimmy Jerry!"

Harry went to his room and heard a knock on the door. Harry watched as Vernon looked to see who it was. Vernon immediately called for Harry. "Yes uncle Vernon?" Harry asked. "Who is this?" Vernon said angrily. Harry looked and to his disgust and amazement he saw Dumbledore, who at the time had no pants on, and was peeing on the porch. "That's my previous headmaster!" Harry gulped. "Well invite him in, maybe he can help us!" Vernon croaked. Harry opened the door, and Dumbledore tumbled in." "Ahh Vernon me boy!" Dumbledore munched, slapped some ball cream his balls


	9. Chapter 9

1 month later:

The disease has reached a global crisis. Over half the world's population was lost, and contact with health officials also

Meanwhile Harry, Dumbledore, Ptenuia , Vernon, and Dudley were all still shacked at the same house. However supplies were running out and they needed to get some fast.

Over the next hour everyone tried to advise a plan until they settled on one. "There's a grocery store about 5 miles from here, it can't be that bad there." Dudley reasoned as everyone agreed. "I'll go!" Dumbledore volunteered. "Just give me a map or something I'll find it." Dumbledore added a hoot and a snort. "You won't need a map, I'll take you there, like I said it's about 5 miles." Dudley said.

About an hour later Dudley and Dumbledore were already to go. "I can't find my wand!" Dumbledore cried. "Then take this!" Vernon growled as he gave Dumbledore a standard glock pistol. With that Dumbledore piled into Dudleys brand new truck.

"Here we are." Dudley said as he pulled close to the grocery store. However they were upset to see a whole mass of walking corpses, roaming the stores parking lot. "Don't worry about that!" Dudley said as he held a flare in his hand. Dudley and Dumbledore then enjoyed a tender moment, as the zombies were distracted by the flare.

The two made there way across the parking lot, and were relieved to see that the door to the grocery store was no problem to open. Dumbledore and Dudley both began loading there back back they brought along, with supplies. Soon the two filled there bags to compacity, and were going to head out again. When Dumbledore opened the door, it made a loud creak which got the attention of the zombies in the parking lot. "Oh shit!" Dumbledore spearfished, as he slammed the door and ran off with Dudley to find another exit. "To the left!" Dudley cried, as the zombies smashed through the door, and began pouring into the store. "It's blocked!" Dumbledore mashed, as they approached the back exit. "Hold them back!" Dudley cried as he began working on the door. Dumbledore whipped out his new gun and began shooting the dead, like a boss. Until finally "I got it let's go!" Dudley screamed "Watch out for that hole!" Dudley hollered a little to late as Dumbledores leg went into what appeared to be a mini sinkhole. "Ooo, me leg!" Dumbledore wailed. Dudley helped Dumbledore up as they began walking the very big parking lot to the truck, with about a 100 zombies in pursuit, very close behind.

"Ooo just leave me!" Dumbledore choked as he was now on the ground, nurturing his sore ankle. "What are you talking about, I'm not leaving you!" "Damn!" Dumbledore plastered, as he slammed his fists on the concrete.

"What are you doing!" Dumbledore croaked. "Wait I need a breather!" Dudley gasped. "Come on we were about to lose them!" Dumbledore hollered as he practically dragged Dudley.

"I think we need to start thinning the group of dead out." Dudley said as he pulled out his gun and began shooting at the horde of zombies. Then Dumbledore followed suit.

They walked and shot some more until... "I'm down to my last!" Dudley pointed out. "I got 1 left too." Dumbledore gasped. Dumbledore then nervously looked at how far the truck was, then at how close the zombie horde was to them. "We'll never make it!" Dumbledore whispered to himself. "Man I'm sorry!" Dumbledore said out of the blue, as Dudley gave him a confused look. Then to the shock of Dudley Dumbledore fired a bullet into Dudleys leg. Ahhhhhhhh! Dudley screamed as he hit the ground. Dumbledore made a move and grabbed Dudleys bag, and his gun. "Traitor!" Dudley thundered as he surged and grabbed Dumbledores beard and his hair. "Get the fuck off me!" Dumbledore croaked as he kicked Dudley in the face, and shot one of Dudleys hands off him. For good measure Dumbledore pistol whipped him a couple times in the head, before limping off to the truck, as the zombies began piling on top of Dudley, and began devouring him. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Dudley cried as his ears, and the rest of his body were being ripped to shreds. Dumbledore even cringed when seeing the scene at a backwards glance.

A moment later Dumbledore arrived at Dudley's truck and sped off into the night.


	10. Chapter 10

Vernon, Ptenuia, and Harry were anticipating the return of Dumbledore, and Dudley, from their supply run. "What's taking so long!" Vernon spat. "Maybe their dead Ptenuia said gravely.

After a while of worrying, finally Dudleys truck pulled in. Everybody ran to see if they were alright. "Dumbledore!" Vernon said cheerfully. "What about Dudley!" Ptenuia panicked. "No., no." Dumbledore barely said audibly, as he shook his head. Ptenuia then collapsed to the ground and began weeping bitterly, as Dumbledore began rolling his eyes. "What happened!" Vernon exclaimed. "Long story, I'll explain it tomorrow." Dumbledore liquified, as he busted ass into the house.

Dumbledore ran upstairs to the bathroom, and closed the door. Dumbledore used his deluminator, to put light in the bathroom. Doing that Dumbledore found his wand. Dumbledore then removed his clothes, and conjured a shower. Dumbledore then examined himself in the mirror. He looked at his hair and his beard, and noticed that the parts Dudley pulled, was starting to bleed. "Damn!" Dumbledores grated, as he conjured up a razor, and began to shave his hair and his beard. " Get out of my head!" Dumbledore screamed as he thought of his betrayal of Dudley.

Moments later Dumbledore came downstairs. Vernon had put Ptenuia on a chair, and he was conforting her. However they were all alarmed to see a bald Dumbledore coming downstairs. "Dumbledore, you didn't meet our new member to this group." Vernon said. "This is Ryan Moore, our former mailman." Vernon charmingly introduced. Dumbledore spat on his hand and shook his hand.

Now everyone was having a memorian for Dudley. "We remember Dudleys abundance of character, he died as he lived, in grace".. Vernon tearfully concluded. "Albus would you like to say something?" Vernon asked. Dumbledore then stuttered. "Please, I want to know his death had meaning!" A distraught Ptenuia spoke out. "We were about done.." Dumbledore began. "My leg was swollen up, we were down to our last bullets, it was bad." Dumbledore paused. "I gotta feed my family, shit that's what he said!" Dumbledore proclaimed as Harry glanced up. "He gave me his backpack and shoved me ahead..." Run!" He said so I ran, and when I looked back..." Dumbledore paused as Ptenuia understood what he meant. "If it wasn't for Dudley, I wouldn't be alive, and that goes for all us!" Dumbledore concluded with a fart, as he ignored Ryan the mailman's doubtful face.


	11. Chapter 11

Dumbledore was examining himself in the bathroom the next morning.

"What is this?" Dumbledore said to himself in a frustrated tone, as he tried to flex his toothpick of a body.

Dumbledore then got an idea: he would use magic to turn himself into a muscular man.

"About the only damn good thing magic is good for these days!" Dumbledore grumbled to himslef.

Just then there was a knock on the door, and with out waiting for a reply the door burst open and charging in was Ryan Moore.

"Listen daddy o, I've delivered mail to this family, and I know this family enough, especially Dudley enough that your story doesn't make sense!" Ryan Moore spat in Dumbledores face.

"Dont call me daddy o you fat mail delevering fuck!" Dumbledore hissed as Ryans glare increased.

"I think we're starting to get a picture here!" Ryan said authoritatively.

"Wait wait what are you saying?" Dumbledore asked.

"Let me guess you got in some trouble and you left him for bait!" Ryan said.

Get out of my way, jerk off!" Dumbledore croaked.

"Or what are you going to shoot me like you did Dudley, and tell some story?" Ryan poked.

Dumbledore then laughed manically and said you're creepy are you a pedafile or something you know sounds like your obsessed with Dudley!" Dumbledore fluttered as Ryan had a dangerous death glare

Dumbledore then left briskly, Leaving a glaring Ryan Moore in his midst.

Dumbledore had now transformed his body, he a complete unrecognizable 360 degree turn sround, which shocked even himself of how much of a stud he looked like.

He now had a muscular frame, with thick black, curly hair.

Dumbledore however still stuck to his half moon spectacles.

"Not a bad look!" Dumbledore whinnied into the night.


	12. Chapter 12

Dumbledore stared at the mirror, admiring his new rugged appearance.

"Never would I thought I would look this damn good." Dumbleodre thought.

"Damn why didn't I ever do this before!" Dumbledore hissed as he slapped himself.

Dumbledore then went downstairs, and explained his transformation.

"I need this body to survive in this world, my old body was just that it was old, I had arthritis like a mother fucker, my joints were stiff and like I said it was just an old beat up body." Dumbledore informed everyone.

Ryan then went up to Dumbleodre to speak in private.

"Is this your way of moving on with what you did to Dudley." Ryan said as he took a menacing step towards Dumbledore.

Dumbledore was about to respond, but there was a disturbance.

All of a sudden there was a crash at the front door, and in came Hagrid.

" Ahh Hagrid me boy!" Dumbledore croaked.

"Who are you!" Hagrid bellowed.

"Why its Dumbledore!" Dumbledore grinned

"You're not Dumbledore, Dumbledore is 150 years old, with grey everything!" Hagrid roared.

"No Hagrid I changed my appearance, see I still have my glasses!" Dumbledore pointed out excitedly.

"Oh!" Hagrid said as he looked confused.

"I may of changed alot of things about me, but not the way I feel about you!" Dumbledore said as he leaned in for a kiss.

Hagrid then punched Dumbledore through a wall.

It was then when Hagrid punched him that Dumbledore realized with his new rugged appearance he for the first time could actually have a chance with a female, his whole life Dumbledore had been to ugly to get girls which was why Dumbledore always dated guys.

"Thank you Hagrid!" Dumbledore thought to himself.

Dumbledore later recovered and asked "Hagrid what are you doing here?" Dumbledore asked.

Just trying to find a place to stay, on my way to the WCDC." Hagrid answered.

"WCDC?" Everyone said simultaneously.

The wizard center for disease control." Hagrid informed before going on.

"They told all us wizards to go there..." Hagrid began.

"They said they had food shelter, water, games, they said they were working on how to solve this thing." Hagrid said.

"I got an idea tomorrow we will find the place!" Dumbledore said excitedly, as the consensus agreed.


	13. Chapter 13

3 months later:

The whole crew had moved out of privet, due to safety concerns as the infection had spread devastating across England and probably the world, and they fled to the countryside of England.

"We need to find a place with really big walls!" Dumbledore quacked as he rubbed his head.

"Yeah good luck with that bastard." Ryan said quietly, but loud enough where Dumbledore could here, earning a glare from Dumbledore.

"What's the problem with you two." Harry asked as Vernon was about to say the same thing.

"Nothing at all!" Dumbledore said as gave a friendly nod towards Ryan, earning him a glare from the former mailman turned Mr. Moral Authority.

2 weeks later:

"This town is small enough, where we can build walls around it!" Dumbledore chirped excitedly.

"Only if Dudley got to see this." Ryan said no doubt trying to goat Dumbledore on.

"Don't bring him up again Ryan!" Vernon hollered at Ryan.

"Yes Mr. Dursley." Ryan nodded as Dumbledore smirked.

"This town is Marlborough, we used to come up here." Vernon said sadly, as Dumbledore ignored him.

1 week later:

Thanks to the use of magic and hard labor, there were 24 foot walls of solid steel around the little town of Marlborough.

Dumbledore and Harry then went out to recruit.

3 days later the two brought home some familiar faces.

They brought back Fleur Delacour, and Angelina Johnson.

Welcome to Marlborough!" Dumbledore said charmingly, as Fleur looked delightingly, and Angelina looked untrusting and downright murderous.

Dumbledore then escorted them to their rooms, after taking the two's weapons.

"I know you must feel uncomfortable, but there's a bed, food, water, fresh clothes, and even a hot shower. Dumbledore said as he acknowledged Fleurs smile, but looked uncomfortable at Angelina's glare.

"We want our weapons!" Angelina hissed.

"Why you got your wands." Dumbledore pointed out, as Angelina pouted.

"Well see you later!" Dumbledore said as he winked at Fleur.


	14. Chapter 14

Dumbledore sat on a chair and admired his hard work.

"Man that's nice!" Dumbledore smiled as he chugged down some beer.

Meanwhile:

"I don't trust him!" Angelina scorned.

"Why not!" Fleur demanded!

"I don't know..Why did my white trash Headmaster change his hair, and become muscular!" Angelina declared.

Fleur just left with an angry sigh.

"Yeah go, I don't need you!" Angelina said as she made immature, kid faces at Fleur.

"You have every right to not trust Albus." said a voice.

"Who the hell are you!" Angelina asked suspiciously.

"I am Ryan, Ryan Moore, and I came to tell you that this man Albus is a dangerous man, that would stab you in the back." Ryan said fearfully.

"What he do!" Angelina said as she was still glaring.

"A while ago he went on a supply run with my friend.." Ryan began

"Only Albus made it back, I know he left him for bait, because he told a not to be believed hero story. You know those never happen." Ryan said as he paused.

"I wasn't there but I knew it happened, why else would he shave his head and change his hair, but to hide the evidence." Ryan finished.

"See I knew he was trash!" Angelina belched.

Dumbledore was cleaning up a new office, when there were people in his face.

"I want my weapon!" Angelina screamed.

"On your way out of this town!' Dumbledore said charmingly, as he acknowledged Ryan Moore, who was also in his office.

" I'm leaving now then, with Ryan!" Angelina screamed.

"Come on guys it's night time, you won't make it far out there!"

"If we stay here, we'll end up like Dudley, won't we!" Ryan said viciously.

"Listen Dudley died a hero!" Dumbledore cracked

"So you say." Ryan whispered.

"Fine if you want to leave then go ahead, you're not prisoners here, you're guests." Dumbledore pointed out, as he gave Angelina her katana sword.

Dumbledore then lead the two to the gates, and watched them leave.

Moments later Dumbledore undressed, as Fleur waited for him in bed.


	15. Chapter 15

Dumbledore had a great great evening in bed with Fleur.

It had been a while since Dumbledore used his tool, and it showed when he accidentally sprayed the ceiling, and some of the walls.

"It'll get better with time and more practice!" Dumbledore said as he winked to Fleur as cue to begin what they started again.

"Oh well I'll clean it up later." Dumbledore smirked as he got busy with Fleur again.

"Only if I knew what I was missing all those years I was gay!" Dumbledore thought

Any way Dumbledore and his crew had been at this town for month now. Dumbledore had recruited many people.

Dumbledore dressed and went outside just in time to see one of his henchman recruiters.

"Sir we have another person." The guy said as he bowed to Dumbledore.

"Well bring him in." Dumbledore chuckled.

Inside walked to Dumbledores surprise, a greasy haired man.

"Severus!" Dumbledore said shocked.

"Who the hell are you!" Said the unidentified man with greasy hair.

"I'm Dumbledore!" Dumbledore said

"You're not Dumbledore the Dumbledore I know is gay, old, fragile, and just literally falling apart. The man said.

"You take that back!" Dumbledore fired back as he was offended and quite taken aback by this comment.

"Any way It's a long story, but please come inside." Dumbledore ordered.

"Henchman be gone!" Dumbledore clapped as then sent his henchman away, and he walked with Snape

1hr later:

Dumbledore and Snape were laughing as they were getting shit face drunk.

"Why the change of hair?" Snape asked suddenly.

"Well I had to shave my other hair, out of safety concerns." Dumbledore answered quickly as he hastily changed the subject.

"Say Severus, with your knowledge, I'm thinking of putting you in second command of this place." Dumbledore said defensively.

Severus agreed and the two went their separate ways.

Dumbledore was in his room, when Fleur came in.

"Where is Angelina?" Fleur asked.

"She's gone, left here." Dumbledore said dismissively.

"Why." Fleur said in a bored , yawning voice.

"Because they wanted to." Dumbledore yawned.

"Oh well she was a Bitch anyway." Fleur shrugged, as Dumbledore agreed.

"That's my Fleur!" Dumbledore chuckled with Fleur.

The two then undressed and went to bed.


	16. Chapter 16

Dumbledore planned on sending people out to hunt down and kill Angelina Johnson and Ryan Moore.

"If they tell others about this place, you know it won't be for the good, Dumbledore told a willing Snape.

" I will hunt them down, but I wish to have others go with me.

"You're wish is my command Severus." Dumbledore smiled.

Moments later Dumbledore met Snape at the front gates of the town.

With him Dumbledore had 3 servants, (which were just useless muggles.)

"Good luck Severus." Dumbledore said as he shook Snapes hand.

Dumbledore was having a peaceful afternoon, when one of his scouters came.

Master we found an injured muggle, and appears to have served in the muggle army of Britain.

"Bring him to the medical center." Dumbledore acknowledged.

A couple of hours later Dumbledore visited the new injured man.

"What's your name and situation?" Dumbledore asked.

"I am lieutenant Sebastian Yoder, me and my group were on the front lines of this thing, myself and 8 others were the only who made it out alive.

"Where are your guys at." Dumbledore suddenly interrupted.

"We have a convoy just off the highway." Sebastian wheezed.

"Alright buddy just get your rest, we'll find the rest of your guys, they'll be safe here." Dumbledore assured.

Just off a random highway in rural England stood a convoy of 8 British soldiers. These guys were well armed, and appeared to be holding out well.

Just then the troops could see a car driving up to the convoy.

The car stopped and out came Dumbledore, holding a white flag.

"Who are you and what do you want?" A soldier said as he trained a gun on Dumbledore.

"Hey don't shoot, I bring good news." Dumbledore began

"I run a settlement that's protected by walls, not far from here." Dumbledore paused as he let his words sink in.

"Well yesterday we had a new addition, my men found your man, lieutenant Yoder." Dum said.

"Is he alright?" One soldier asked.

"Sure is, so come on guys what do you say?" Dumbledore asked

The soldiers were smiling and going along with it.

"Like I said I found Yoder, and I found you!" Dum suddenly said sternly as he quickly whipped out a side arm and shot a soldier straight in the chest.

Out of nowhere appeared Dumbledore's men armed with wands and assault rifles.

In no time The surprised army was wiped out.

"This is a great win, they have large vehicles and great weapons." Dumbledore said as he smahed the skull of a barely alive soldier.


	17. Chapter 17

Dumbledore and his clan was driving the military vehicles back to his makeshift town.

On the way back they passed an old abandoned town.

Dumbledore got on the military vehicles radio and told everyone around him to stop at the town.

"Alright guys this is just going to be a simple sweep through" Dumbledore radioed in.

"Yes sir" everyone responded back.

As they entered the town they didn't see even the slightest movement of anything dead or alive.

"Alright men get to work you scalawags." Dumbledore said amusedly.

As Dumbledore entered one of the buildings he soon changed his thought.

"On second thought get everything you can find if it's big or small." Dumbledore ordered

Dumbledore was in a room full of all sorts of furniture, untouched by anything.

"I must be in an old furniture store" Dumbledore thought and agreed to himself.

After a while of looting everything thy could find Dumbledore was very happy and decided to get back on the road and go home.

"Alright men good work, time to get back on the road!" Dumbledore bellowed with a chuckle.

Upon entering the town, Dumbledore noticed that residents looked confused, and knew they probably needed an explanation.

Dumbledore stood on top of a truck, and addressed the crowd.

"Yesterday we took in a heavily wounded man, named Sebastian, he told me about a convoy on the highway." Dumbledore paused.

"I said I'd take his men in, but you know what?" Dumbledore paused again.

"They didn't have walls and the dead got there first." Dumbledore said with fake Sympathy.

"We will honor their sacrifice by not taking these weapons, and new veichles for granted." Dumbledore concluded.

Dumbledore went into his office, locked the door and examined the dead body of Sebastian Yoder hanging on a meat hook.


	18. Chapter 18

Snape and his 3 muggle cronies were on a treacherous treck to find the 2 bastards that walked away which were Angelina Johnson and Ryan Moore.

It was all quiet until they rustling from a nearby thicket.

Everyone held their weapons out and cocked their guns.

"Angelina Ryan you 2 assholes I know your there, just come on out!" Snape called out.

Just then a figure popped out of the bush's, it was none other than Angelina.

Angelina surprised the 3 henchman and decapitated one of them.

Ryan Moore came out and bashed onother henchmans head in with a large branch.

Angelina was about to kill the third henchman, but Snape was quick as a whistle and whipped out his gun and shot her a couple of times in her leg, and instinctly shot Ryan in his crotch.

Angelina left Ryan to fend for himself as he took off like a banshee.

"Traitor!" Ryan screamed as he held his crotch, desperately trying to keep his attachment in place.

Snape then walked over to finish Ryan off.

However before he was going to do that he got a new idea.

"Let's take you to Dumbledore." Snape sneered.

"We got to do our mission and kill Angelina!" The last surviving muggle henchman cried.

"She's as good as dead and we have this fat piece of shit." Snape threw back.

"You know what I'm going to find her with or with out you!" The henchman retaliated.

"You know you're right dude, we shouldn't be cutting corners." Snape began.

"You grew up quick kid, anyway you hear that bird?" Snape said out of the blue.

As the henchman turned to look at what Snape was talking about Snape surprised him by shooting him point balnc in the face.

Snape then grabbed the guys weapon and then he grapped Ryan by the hair and led him to Dumbledores kingdom.


	19. Chapter 19

Snape entered Dumbledores kingdom or makeshift town carrying Ryan Moore by the hair.

Snape approached Dumbledores room.

"Let's see what Dumbledore makes of you this time!" Snape said as he began knocking on Dumbledores door.

Dumbledore who was sleeping with Fleur at the moment, when hearing the knock quickly put on the closest clothes he could find.

Dumbledore didn't seem to realize that he had put on Fleurs pink bathrobe with flowers on it.

So when Dumbledore opened the door to see who it was he saw that it was Snape with a hostage, so Dumbledore stepped outside so no one could hear.

"What is it Snape?" Dumbledore asked.

After Snape gave a puzzled look to Dumbledores new outfit, he went on to say: "Dumbledore I killed Angelina and have Ryan here as hostage." Snape said rather pleasantly.

"You didn't kill Angelina all you did was shoot her in the leg and we all saw her run away!" Ryan said bravely.

"Severus is this true." Dumbledore said with a little more boldness in his voice.

"No Dumbledore Ryan here is in a little denial about losing his girlfriend. " Snape said as Dumbledore chuckled.

"Also it needs to be brought to your attention that Angelina and Ryan killed everyone I brought along." Snape said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Hey you lying son of a bitch you killed the last one you asshole!" Ryan hollered

"Just ignore him." Snape said boredly as he and Dumbledore rolled their eyes in annoyance.

"Son of a bitch were trying to build a community here!" Dumbledore hissed as he kicked Ryan in his gunshot wounded crotch.

"Ahhhh!" Ryan screamed as he was in so much pain.

"What's wrong with him!" Dumbledore said agitatedly.

"I shot him in the crotch, lets say I sorta hit the bullseye." Snape shrugged.

Dumbledore gave a great hearty chuckle.

"Lets examine the wound!" Dumbledore cackled.

Snape ripped off Ryans pants and cringed at what he saw.

"Looks like your hose is hanging on by a thread." Dumbledore said amusedly.

"Here let me fix that for you." Dumbledore said as he took out his pocket knife and the last little piece of skin holding Ryans package.

Needless to say Ryan passed out.

"Just leave him there, that'll be the last time he sleeps." Dumbledore said threatingly.

"Severus tonight we make an example of Ryan in front of the whole town, I believe we went over what that means." Dumbledore said as Severus nodded in agreement.

That evening Snape went to Ryan Moore's holding cell and brought him to a giant pit on the outskirts of the walled town.

The whole town had assembled on the outside of the pit.

Dumbledore was standing in the center of the large group of townspeople, so Snape threw Ryan at the feet of Dumbledore.

"Ladies and gentleman of this fine town that we built together." Dumbledore began as he gave Ryan a death glare.

"You are all probably wondering why I summoned you here tonight." Dumbledore said

"You see Ryan here is a traitor, he killed our own you could say he killed his own, for until as recently as yesterday he was a resident here." Dumbledore said as he waited for the shocked gasps and moans from the crowd to die down.

"Yes I was shocked too but he was not alone you see he was working for Angelina Johnson, but thankfully Snape took care of that bitch!" Dumbledore said proudly as he gave Snape a smile. Snape tried to hide his guilty face by bowing his head.

"She's not dead you stupid scumbag!" Ryan screamed on top of his lungs.

"Don't interrupt me ever again!" Dumbledore barked as he kicked Ryan in his rib.

"Well that was probably your last time interrupting." Dumbledore muttered to himself.

"Now I'm at a crossroads here, and I need your help." Dumbledore began again.

"What do I do with Ryan do I give him another chance, do kill him, do I torture him, or do I send him over those walls with nothing at all.

"Torture him!" many of the crowd said.

"Kill him!" another good portion of the crowd said.

"You guys seem split on torture and killing, so I guess I'll have to do both!" Dumbledore shouted as got a huge roar of support from the crowd.

"Snape bring me my utensils." Dumbledore said pleasantly to Snape.

"Snape nodded his head as he got Dumbledores utensils which was a double jawed crab cracker, and a pair of heavy-duty pliers.

"Which utensil first my right or left hand!" Dumbledore shouted.

"Left!" almost everybody seemed to shout.

"It's the crab crackers!" Dumbledore exclaimed.

"No please don't!" Ryan squealed.

"You won't feel a thing!" Dumbledore chuckled as he used the crab cracker to smash all of Ryan's fingers.

"Ryan let off a ear piercing scream.

"Shut up!" Dumbledore said as he put a sock in Ryan's mouth.

"Now the pliers!" Dumbledore said as he held the pair of heavy-duty pliers up high so everyone in the crowd could see it.

Dumbledore ignored Ryan's muffled screams and got to work on him.

"This little piggy went to the market." Dumbledore said as he used the pliers to yank off Ryan's finger nails one by one until he got all ten of them.

After is what all done Dumbledore pulled out a secret third utensil he had hidden in his pockets.

Dumbledore had a large sharp knife.

"I hate to do this Ryan but I'm afraid I must." Dumbledore said with fake sincerity.

Dumbledore then took the sock out of Ryan's mouth and asked him.

"Which hand first?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

"Fuck you!" Ryan hissed.

"Ahh the right hand it is then." Dumbledore replied.

Dumbledore then used the knife to chop off every finger on the right hand of Ryan.

Dumbledore did the same thing to his left hand, when he was done Dumbledore tossed the fingers to Snape and said:

"Here Snape preserve these, it might be an emergency food Source." Dumbledore said

"Not that we'll need it eh!" Dumbledore reassured the confused crowd.

Dumbledore then turned to Ryan's weak pale body and gave him a smug expression.

"Well you passed the torture part in flying colors, so Congratulations!" Dumbledore exclaimed.

"Now comes the really tough part, the part where you die!" Dumbledore said as he threw Ryan into the pit.

"Open the gates!" Dumbledore ordered to one of his militants.

So the militant electronically opened the gates to the pit allowing many zombies to flood in.

Ryan being too weak to walk was easily consumed by the dead.

Snape seeing this suddenly got a terrifying thought. This could be him if Angelina ever shows back up here.

Dumbledore looked on with a manic gleam as he saw Ryan Moore getting gruesomely devoured by the countless undead.

"Justice!" Dumbledore said in parseltongue.


End file.
